It gets plenty awkward when I write what I really think about fashion shows, especially for shows where the designers happen to run in the same social circles that I do.  I have earned a few cold shoulders from the more sensitive souls, and sometimes, surprisingly, earned something like respect – even an interest in my services – from some gutsier designers. I do try very hard not to be mean about it, but if I didn’t enjoy a show, I am incapable of uttering a false compliment. Sincerity, along with a proclivity to broadcast it, is my nature, for better or for worse.

This season, instead of giving my opinions after the fact, I’ve decided to offer them up front.  Designers, it is not too late to make some changes if earning my accolades is something you want to do.  So, without naming names, here are 10 things designers should try to avoid when they put on a fashion show.

1. Don’t tell me what to think. The fastest way to give your show a disadvantage before it even starts is a press kit or line sheet with too many adjectives.  By all means tell me a bit about yourself and your inspirations if you must – but if you are describing your collection before I’ve even seen it with gushing, hoary descriptors like “sophisticated”, “classic”, “edgy”, and so on, my brain is preset at “yeah, right“.  Most fashion writers despise so much unnecessary verbosity, they have lists of their least favourite words which they trade among themselves over drinks.  Designers, do yourselves a favour and focus on your clothes rather than lengthy introductions.
2. Bondage skirts. Whether they are too tight or too long, this is probably my biggest pet peeve when it comes to designers – putting models in clothing which is impossible to walk in simply defies the point of having a show on a runway. Showing such disregard for the basic needs of people who wear your clothes is, to me, offensive.  The only case where my opinion on this can be swayed is when the outfit is so completely over-the-top that it is obviously not meant to be worn off the runway at all. But for pretty evening gowns and pencil skirts, they should be an appropriate width and length to allow the model to stride naturally and beautifully, full stop.
3. Wardrobe malfunctions. The odd random accident on the runway can be forgiven, but if you can’t make a dress which can withstand a 20 yard walk without falling off perhaps you should reconsider having a fashion show.  A lot of WM’s are a result of poor fit or poor construction – two things that should be the highest priorities for a designer.  I think if it is impossible to find a model who can fit a particular dress, it is probably more prudent to cut the dress from the show than to risk sending it out.
4. Default footwear. In almost all cases, a basic black pump – or worse, using the same shoes as another designer in the same season – sets your collection at a sad disadvantage.  Yes, I know that procuring shoes can be challenging, but the ability to select unique footwear that compliments your collection is the mark of an exceptional stylist and designer, and why wouldn’t you want to be exceptional?  Shoes matter to fashion folk – a lot.  Give them something different, even something ugly, and they are bound to be delighted.  Stuck with plain shoes?  Figure out a way to customize them – cover them with tights, add DIY embellishments, just don’t settle for boring shoes.
5. Short and Tight. This is probably more a matter of my own taste, but it is something to consider – fashion occasionally has its sexy moments, but usually fashion’s version of sexy is a lot subtler than short and tight. Try short and loose, or long and tight if you don’t want to hit your front row in the face with a slut-hammer.
6. Safeness. When I am talking about “safeness”, I am really talking about fear. A collection created in fear is more likely to be derivative and dull as the designer second-guesses their own point of view.  A side note on this – designers with an under-developed sense of taste get all confused about the notion of wearability.  “Wearability”, “boring”, “simple”, and “commercial” are NOT synonyms.  Just because your collection has one quality doesn’t mean it automatically has the other.  What I crave as an audience member is a strong statement, and if it incidentally happens to have commercial or wearable qualities it is all that much more impressive.
7. Lack of variety. Showing multiple colourways of a single style, or a collection of relentlessly similar silhouettes is boring.  I might love what I see the first time but if there is nothing new my attention is quickly squandered and I feel like my time has been wasted.
8. Nudity and other cheap tricks. There are all sorts of cynical ways that a designer can attract attention – and none of that attention is praise for raising the bar of fashion design. Showing naked models, screen printed clothing with some kind of obviously shocking slogan or image, selecting celebrity models who are more important than the clothes, runway gimmicks or unusual designer curtain calls will all ensure that your show will get talked about but not the clothes.  That isn’t to say that there are not some genuinely provoking ways to pull a stunt – the watchwords for such risky behavior are originality and artistry. Without those qualities, such special effects come off as hacky.
9. Predictable fabrics. There are some fabrics, which for whatever reason newbie designers seem to love – and probably for this reason they are the same fabrics that seasoned watchers of fashion shows tend to hate – specific to my tastes, cotton jersey and raw silk dupioni, flimsy silver or gold lame and camo prints.  This is probably a personal bias, though I can say with confidence that I share my distaste for jersey and dupioni with several other fashion show regulars. (Edit: @geekigirl and @nathat add to this list taffeta and sheer sparkle organza.)
10. A designer who is enjoying the show more than the audience. Having a fashion show should be a business decision, not an ego trip. Having a fashion show shouldn’t be because it is “fun” for the designer – it should be about communicating an idea and captivating an audience. Nothing saddens me more than seeing a designer milk their curtain call and bask under the television camera lights after a show where the first few rows are fidgeting with their blackberries, and rolling their eyes at their friends on the other side of the runway.  I’ve written more about this in my post last week on what the right reasons for choosing the runway are.