Walking Away - I’m too busy to have my photo taken. Can’t stop, I’m always late and they’re holding up the show just for me. The wind is in my hair. If you want my photo, shoot fast. Fabulous never waits!
On the Phone - I’m talking to someone on the phone because I’m a visual person, I don’t like reading. Yes you can take my photo but I can’t stop listening to this very important call. They’re telling me things that make me smile enigmatically, but I don’t have a big enough vocabulary to tell you what’s so funny.
Fingering an iPhone - even though I’m at fashion week, what’s happening inside this magic slice of toast is waaay more amazing. My fingers are as soft as butter.
Shoulders Raised - it’s so cold in the Northern hemisphere! Make sure my coat is outside of the frame because it doesn’t go with my new spring outfit. I’m really fashionable underneath my parka, see?
Arms Akimbo - look at my belly… now look lower. YEAH. I am a REAL man, even though I like clothes, you can tell because I’m taking up as much space as I possibly can. Even my double monkstraps are very far apart. I think you’ll have to move back to get all of me in the photo.
Looking Down, Scratching Head – are you sure you want to take a photo of little me? You like this outfit? But it’s hideous! I just fell into it by accident this morning after tripping over my Litas. I guess you can take a picture of me as long as my face isn’t visible. This is truly mortifying. I hope your website isn’t that popular.
Clutching a Bag that has a Handle - this is how they hold bags in fashion shows, and since I like mindlessly following trends this is how I hold my bag now too. I know it has a handle but I don’t have to use it because I don’t really need the use of my hands anyway. I’m just here to see and be seen, you know?
Pigeon Toes - I’m as twee as can be! I was born after 1990! Tee hee!
Head Tilted to Side - I shaved half my head, and now everything is askew! But I don’t mind because I like seeing the world differently. The Earth I walk on is on a 45 degree angle. I don’t follow trends or obey the law of gravity. I also only wear one sleeve of my coat at a time, and have mismatching shoes and earrings. Did I mention I’m different?
Hands in Pockets - there is no such thing as a manly “pose”, so I’ll casually put my hands in my pockets and stand as STRAIGHT as possible. Actually, just my fingers are in my pockets because my drop crotch pants are so tight, but also somehow still falling down. This way I can simultaneously push my pants lower and hold them up at the same time. Notice where my thumbs are pointing?
Holding Bag in Crooked Elbow - UGH, fashion week is so exhausting I have to put my entire survival kit into this massive designer bag. Carrying around 500 ml spray mist face refresher, SLR, iPad, all the requisite chargers, an extra pair of platform clogs and two unpaid interns in this bag is REAL WORK. It is so heavy I have to carry it on my elbow so I don’t chip my nail art.
Legs Crossed – why is there always a lineup for the women’s toilet at Fashion Week? I guess while I’m waiting you can take my picture.