thinking – goodbye 2010

thinking — Danielle on December 31, 2010 at 11:30 am

I have been avoiding reflection. This year has been too much. I could list all the good bits, and there were plenty, but I can not bear going through my archives right now.

So needless to say, this is the worst kind of blog post ever – its a post for the sake of posting, something to fill in the void. You’ve been warned, I’m just going to spill what I’m actually thinking instead of providing you with anything interesting or useful.

Never mind the year, right now itself is hard to put into words. The emptiness of the last week of 2010 has been unlike anything else I have experienced in my life. Everyone here is out of town, with their families, on vacation, or just busy, except for me. Without any people, places and things I have been living a weird, noun-less existence. Plus, without deadlines or a real job or any responsibilities towards other human beings, my life is virtually verbless too – there is nothing I need to do. No wonder coming up with a blog post is hard – even though I have plenty of time to blog, my life is providing me with the weakest material and I’ve allowed myself to drift along with it. Save for a lingering sense of blog-guilt, I’m also going to admit that I’ve been enjoying it. There are so few stages in life that are like this, in-between times. Lulls.

It does mean that I’ve been a negligent blogger, though I’ve come to terms with the fact that it isn’t really important to post unless I genuinely feel like it, if I do I get posts like this. One thing about moving to a new city is a renewed sense of insignificance. Besides a modest momentum that allows me to continue what I do without much downtime, no one here had heard of me, or Final Fashion, or cares about it, and that is a liberating notion. The way I feel towards blogging now is similar to how I felt when I first started in 2005. I can post, or not post, for any reason, or no reason. It is strange and wonderful to allow myself be released from the struggle of blogging, give up professionalizing it, forget about the ridiculous status race fashion blogging has become. This is exactly what I needed.

I think maybe that echoes the essence of what 2010 was about for me, cutting loose everything that tied me down. Getting rid of all my possessions and my studio. Going to a place where I really don’t know anyone. Taking a break from following fashion, even. On the last day of this year everything about me is clear, inside and out. Appropriately, I don’t have anything planned for today or tonight. I think I’ll just enjoy the unusual lightness of being me.

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    8 Comments »

    1. Happy New Year Danielle! I hope with your lack of grande expectations, your NY eve turns out to have a few small magical moments. all the best in 2011. xo

      Comment by adrienne — December 31 2010 @ 1:19 pm
    2. Personally, I like your more personal posts (yes, even ones like these). I dig your regular content, as well, but it’s so gratifying to be able to see more behind the screen, yanno?

      And I wish I could properly express how happy the last paragraph of this post has made me. To cut the tethers and float free is an amazing experience that not very many people have to courage to begin. I’m so looking forward to seeing where it takes you and what adventures you have on this new leg of your life. <3

      Comment by Ellie Di — December 31 2010 @ 2:00 pm
    3. sending you a big hug from across the pond.

      thank you for sharing your personal thoughts with such eloquence.

      at the end of the day, it is just another day.

      Comment by jd — December 31 2010 @ 5:09 pm
    4. In 2010 with all the demands on your time, you shared your immense talent with me – thank you for that.

      Comment by leah Barrett — December 31 2010 @ 6:59 pm
    5. The best to you in 2011. Thank you for your voice, your talent, the inspiration you have given me.
      Enjoy the quiet…it will lead you to where you need to be.
      Best,

      Liz

      Comment by Liz — January 1 2011 @ 3:20 am
    6. Thanks everyone for the good wishes on a very self-indulgent post. You are all so lovely. Happy new year!

      Comment by Danielle — January 1 2011 @ 12:08 pm
    7. I love how you are unafraid to do a “self-indulgent” post – to be honest, sometimes that is something I would like to do more of.

      Wishing you all the best in 2011! Can’t wait to see what manifests out of the freedom you are experiencing now.

      Comment by Annching — January 1 2011 @ 8:28 pm
    8. […] know, forget about being alone and lonely. One of the greatest things about Toronto for me was the six or seven year process of finding a […]

      Pingback by final fashion » thinking – to do 2011 — January 2 2011 @ 5:15 pm

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